


The Bottom Of The Matter

by Airelle



Category: The Professionals
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-15
Updated: 2012-01-15
Packaged: 2017-10-29 13:44:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/320549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Airelle/pseuds/Airelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Is Doyle a sadist?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Bottom Of The Matter

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Histoire a Posteriori](https://archiveofourown.org/works/308117) by [Airelle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Airelle/pseuds/Airelle). 



> First published in the letterzine BE GENTLE WITH US N° 11, and reprinted in BLIND RUN 2, 1994  
> Also archived at The Hatstand and on Proslib CD  
> I must thank my friends India and Val... for letting me steal the theme of this story. Thanks, girls, and I hope you enjoy what I've made of your idea.  
> This is the English translation of my story "Histoire a Posteriori", also archived here.

As the afternoon of boring stake-out wore on, Bodie grew more and more worried. He'd noted the lecherous light in Doyle's eyes. The little sod was going to do it again, and Bodie was not looking forward to it. Hell, his arse was still sore from the last time - make that the last _times_ \- when Doyle had indulged in this little perversion of his.  
      
But Bodie had had enough. This time, he was determined to hold out. No way! He wasn't going to cater to his partner's sadistic streak anymore. He shifted uneasily on the seat, his eyes straining to look at the totally uninteresting sight in front of him - a warehouse, empty and apparently determined to remain so - his backside aching from last night's... operation.

"Bloody hell, Bodie, can't you sit still? I'm gonna get seasick with you tossin' and turnin' about as if you were sitting on a hedgehog."

Trust Doyle for accurate, if unlikely, metaphors.

"'s all your fault,", muttered Bodie under his breath.

The scruffy sod must have been of Vulcan descent - or maybe the elf stories were true after all - because he picked up what Bodie had not intended him to hear.

"Oh, that's rich! _My_ fault, he says! And who asked for it, eh? Want me to take pity on you? Not me, mate! It's all your bloody doing!"

Feeling deeply the unfairness of Doyle's assumption, and the soreness of his nether regions, Bodie resumed his unhappy twitching on the seat until the time their relief arrived, and they were able to head home.

    *   *   *

"'s okay, Bodie, here we go. Take off your pants and lie down. And don't give me that look, it's not going to work. Down you go. On your belly, if you don't mind. You know it's easier that way."

Bodie had already undone his fly, and was reluctantly pushing down his pants. His lowered-lashes sultry look had not worked, and God knew it usually wreaked havoc with Ray's libido. Knowing he was going to have to endure it, he made a last-ditch effort nonetheless.

"Ray? You've been doing it every night for the last week. Couldn't we skip it, just once? Just tonight? I promise that tomorrow, I'll raise my bum for you without a fuss, but please..." - and he gave Ray the eye, which normally guaranteed that he would successfully sidetrack Ray from whatever hell he was bent on - "... please, not tonight?"

"... you've got a headache!" leered Ray with one of his filthy chuckles. "Well, it's not going to bother me - or you, for that matter - because your head's not what I'm after!"

Defeated, Bodie laid himself down, his bare arse already burning with the expected pain.

Doyle caressed his partner's left buttock with a light hand. "Come on, lover, the pain will only last for a little while, and later you'll feel good, real good! And don't tense up, it only makes it worse!"

"Can't seem to relax," muttered Bodie. He was doing a lot of it lately - muttering, that is. But the Vulcan ears picked it up again. Or was it the elfin streak?

_Shit,_ Bodie thought. _Couldn't they change their references in this fandom a little? I'm beginning to sound like a broken record. Next I'll be calling him 'sunshine' and we'll kiss passionately.  
_  
"Come here, sunshine," Doyle said, and kissed him passionately.  
      
Bodie muttered.

Doyle was not sidetracked at all. Having proceeded to ascertain that Bodie had not had his tonsils removed as a child, he stood up, bright and efficient.

_Here we go,_ Bodie thought.

"Here we go, love."

_Shit_ , Bodie thought.

He was beyond talking, all set for the unpleasantness of the sharp object Doyle was going to ram in his tender arse.

One could not deny that Doyle was quick and efficient. He'd had training for it, CI5's training, the best! It was done in the wink of an eye, but still Bodie yelped and tried to move away.

Doyle held him down with a hand in the small of his back, pushing on the shaft until it connected with the bottom. Then he withdrew the offending object, now slightly bloody, as quickly and efficiently as he had stabbed it in.

"See, love, you're all done for tonight. Only two more days to go."

"'s easy for you to say, it's not your bum," Bodie complained.

"I know, I know, Bodie, but could you tell me what better nurse you could have found yourself for those anti-allergy injections?"

As Ray had turned him on his back, and was nursing another part of his anatomy which definitely needed some tender loving care, at the same time giving him a soul-deep kiss (and Bodie was able to make sure that Ray had not had his tonsils removed either), he could not think of an answer.

Anyway, none had been expected!


End file.
